Am I in the twilight zone, did they beam me down to the wrong planet, did I make a left turn at Albuquerque? When I tell you my African American Queen is moping around the house talking 'bout, "She miss her some Don Imus! And then she adds to it, "don't shake your head at me 'cause you got a lot to thank Imus for ya' damn self!"
Readers you judge for yourself. Last Thursday morning this is how the conversation went between Me (M) and Her (H):
M: Ok honey you’ve been moping around here for the last week, What's Up?
H: Well you should know how I feel. I lived in New York City for 17 years and for 15 of those years “I listen to Imus In The Morning.” So I love me some Don Imus.
M: "Ok 'Lucy' you got some ‘splainin' to do!”
H: Look when I was working my way through college. I worked grave yard shift all night long and came home, turned Imus on the radio and he kept me awake so I could study before going to class.
M: Coffee wasn’t enough?
H: Hell no, I said graveyard shift didn't? Then later, when we were dating and you would jet in from LA, I still had to get up at 6am and ge
t dressed for work and you slept in.M: Well ...??
H: Well I really wanted to wake you up to talk to me. But there was Imus, on the radio, keeping me company, so you could sleep in peace.
M: OK ...
H: You see I was listening to Imus before I met you, after we broke up, and still after we got back together.
M: Preach on reverend.
H: In fact Imus kept me from finding another man during that time we were broke up.
M: How’s that?
H: Well you know how I love a funny man ... or I wouldn’t be with you right?
M: Right.
H: Well Imus was funny enough on the radio where I didn’t need another man, ... so thank Imus for keeping me CELIBATE FOR YOU.
M: Say what?
H: In fact, if it wasn't for Imus, you and I would NEEEVER got back together.
M: How’s that?
H: For two weeks Imus went on vacation for some surgery. Yup' and that was just the opening you needed.
M: Come again?
H: He was gone ... there was a void. Back, in, my, life, steps' you.
M: Well thank you Mr. Imus!
H: See, now you get it!
M: But Baby that’s all changed. Now we live in LA and he’s wasn't on the radio here.
H: Yes, but at 2am he’s was on MSNBC, and you know I can’t sleep at ni
ght, right?M: Right so …
H: So when you have those late night poker games and you try tipping in here 10 minutes passed 2am ...Well for those 10 minutes I’ve been looking at Imus. I’m laughing and in a good mood. So you could say Imus has kept you from getting a serous butt kicking.
M: Therefore …
H: Therefore, with all Imus has done for us, you really should be kissing his A…
M: Alright, alright I get it, but Honey when Imus talks about those “Nappy Headed Ho’s at Rutgers ... he’s also talking about our two girls.
H: He’s talking about MY GIRLS? Little Tiki and Briana? Nappy headed Ho?
M: Now ya' get it
H: You know little Tiki is only six years old and already sensitive about her nappy, kinky hair and her sister Briana's straight hair, “How come Briana’s hair doesn’t get tangled up?”, “How come Briana doesn’t cry when you comb HER hair? “ “I want hair like Briana's, ... I WANT GOOOOD HAIR!!”
M: So what are you saying about Imus now?
H: That Negro, had to go.
M: For calling Black women Hoes.
H: Naw, ... For throwing gasoline on our already flammable family hair issues.
My little girls can't be hearing no trash talk about Nappy Hair.