Fathers, Oh Fathers only you truly understand and can explain to Tiger Woods ... what has gone wrong with his golf game:* Fellas, share with the brother the awesomeness of child birth.
* Boys, high-five golf's international sensation on his procreation abilities.
* Men, smile politely when the multi-millionaire says, "We have a new baby!"
* Homey, nod your head as Elgin learns the meaning of "family."
* Shorty, remind Tiger about the adage, “little girls take care of you in your old age.”
* Brothers, tell our hero that you also had that wonderful sense of teamwork after taking two weeks off from work.
That said, Daddies now tell Tiger the real deal that ...
No matter how hard we try to catch up on work (after missing those two weeks on a job we were already behind on), no matter how understanding the boss says he is (while doubling your workload), no matter how much Red Bull you consume at staff meetings, no matter how many lunches you now have to skip, no matter how many days you must come in early with little or no sleep ...
NOTHING - ABSOLUTELY NOTHING - COMPARES WITH THAT STRANGE WEEPING WOMAN.
That strange weeping women ... who keeps blowin' up your "crackberry" every half hour, complaining on the phone about 'HOW'... the baby's not latching on, how your mom needs to go back to Virginia, how her mom - whom now she's reasoned - needs to go with your mom back to Virginia ... how her girlfriends insist everything she is doing is wrong and how her conscience keeps telling her they just might be right. Then there's 'THE' bloating, the baby crying for no reason, the sleep deprivation, the big boobs that "don’t feel sexy at all" (that's a toss-up), the overall feeling of "losing it.”
And just before hanging up the phone, your queen declares, “My nipples hurt... so when are you coming home?!?!”
FATHERS, TELL TIGER THAT ALL OF THIS...
TENDS TO REALLY AFFECT A BROTHA’S GOLF GAME.