KARL ROVE CONFESSES TO GEORGE BUSH, "I JUST DON'T KNOW HOW TO QUIT YOU!"

Rove's Strategic Exit Makes Me Wax Nostalgic

America woke up to surprising news that President Bush’s senior political adviser, Karl Rove, “The Architect,” has handed in his resignation and will be leaving at the end of the month.

With such an important political strategist leaving so abruptly and unexpectedly from the White House, speculation and questions are already swirling.

Although Rove said his move was not forced, there are too many reasons to not believe the hype. The target of congressional scrutiny as he and other White House staffers have been subpoenaed by Congress to testify in the case of fired U.S. attorneys, Rove was handed his lunch last year as Democrats won control of Congress, and as the president failed to overhaul U.S. immigration law.

While working for the highly unpopular leader of the free world, (his approval rating has skyrocketed from 28% to 31%) Rove has gotten credit from critics and fans for being the genius behind many of the one-liners that Bush has delivered over the past several years to justify starting a senseless war, blatantly breaking the law while spying on Americans, and eliminating habeas corpus. Let’s face it,

Rove has helped deliver more catch phrases than Arnold, Steve Urkel, and JJ from Good Times combined.

So with the “success” of a two-term President that has dodged calls for impeachment and prosecution for so long, inquiring minds are wondering what finally made the offensive genius leave the sidelines of the White House?

The official reason given for the departure is that he wants to give more time to his family. Rove even said that since his son will be attending college in San Antonio this year, he and his wife want to spend more time at their home nearby. I guess he wants to make sure that his son joins the right fraternities and drinks all the right beer freshman year.

The first thought is that his newest strategy is to get out while the gettin’ is good. A criminal investigation put Rove under scrutiny for months about the leak of the identity of CIA operative Valerie Plame, but he was never charged with any crime. Recent convict Lewis Libby took the fall for the entire Administration for that politically motivated hit, before having his sentence commuted by the president. This kind gesture bought Rove a few more months behind the scenes.

With mounting pressure on Attorney General Alberto Gonzales to resign after blatantly lying to Congress about the political firing of U.S. Attorneys that didn’t prosecute Democratic political opponents while prosecuting criminals/friends of Bush’s camp, Rove seemed to be next on the list of advisors to be forced to answer questions from Dems on the hill.

This mastermind, aka “boy genius” must definitely be using his foresight to see some rough times. Like every great entertainer knows, you have to leave them wanting more. Before “Whatchoo talkin' 'bout, Willis?” “Did I do that?” and “DYNOMITE!” put an annoyed look on everyone’s face, those geniuses had to hang it up.

Six years of insincerely shouting TERRORISM, 9-11, SUPPORT THE TROOPS, PATRIOTISM, CUT AND RUN, and IRAQ, with few real-life results has shown Karl Rove that this sitcom should be shooting its finale episode where we remember the past moments with one last laugh.

Keep talking, it’s the only way they’ll ever hear you.--JJJ