Thursday, August 9, 2007

WHY WE'RE ANGRY: IF SISTERS AREN'T GETTING ENOUGH 'GOOD' SEX, WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO ABOUT IT ?


In light of the recent study that discovered that there were at least 237 reasons why people have sex, I began to wonder to what extent there was a correlation between Black women and their "so-called" anger?

Bottomline: Are Black women angry because we aren't getting any?

I recall when I use to attend church regularly. Friends of mine who didn't go church use to make some interesting references concerning church-going Black women and sex.

Among such comments were: "The reason Black women are so mean - especially those who go to church - is because they aren't getting any [sex]" or "The real [sex] freaks are in the church living a double life."

At the time, I found these generalizations frustrating or saw them as unfair stereotypes. Or, were they?

Before I began the hard personal work on really focusing on me and my needs spiritually, mentally, emotionally, physically and financially, I recall the moments I knew the most happiness. It was during the time I was in a two-year relationship with a beautiful man.

Let's call him "Bill". He was loving, thoughtful, kind, intelligent and full of common sense. He was a self-proclaimed agnostic, however one of the most spiritual men I had ever met and our "intimacy" was "off the chain!"

The level of respect, the basic human kindness, the conversations we would have on anything made us more than lovers; we were best friends.

We broke up because we lived in different cities and he knew eventually I wanted to have the experience of marriage.

Bill was so devastated by his first and only marriage, he swore he'd never marry again and after two years he told me he loved me so much that he didn't want to hurt me because in the end he was sure he wouldn't be able to give me what I wanted or deserved.

My last memory of us together was us holding each other, saying good-bye and both crying like we had just lost a loved one. I recall after our break-up how angry I was. I wasn't angry with him. I was angry at...

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