Cops Stop Me Looking For Some Black Murderer!
So last night I go to a swank holiday party with my 7-year-old girls. They have been with me all day and mom, who has been on her feet working, begs off going to the party. But as the girls and I go out the door she warns, "make sure they eat something." I'm sure this is a slam dunk 'cause this is a "nice party" and of course there will be food.
We get to the party and there is plenty of food ... deserts, piled as high as the sky.
The girls think they are in heaven. One has lemon cheese cake and the other chocolate marble cake, but to my horror that is all the food that is there, just deserts!
I should have read the invitation. I'm praying it will be enough. I mean as Bill Cosby once said about chocolate cake for breakfast. "look you have three out of four food groups going for you, milk--dairy, eggs--protein, and flour--bread. And even my wife will admit sometimes we have breakfast for dinner so there you have it. Let them eat cake!
But just my luck, the girls come to me and say "we want 'real food." In fact, their choice is a McDonald salad with honey mustard dressing. OK, I grab my coat off the bed where it was put by the host. And out the door I go. After getting turned around in the subdivision for about 15 minutes I'm on the main boulevard. I know there is a McDonalds on the left hand side so I am driving in the second lane when all of a sudden there is a car ridding tight on the rear of my car. And I'm like, "damn there is a whole street and this guy has to ride my a**." So I get in the turning lane to let him pass ... and he doesn't. The driver turns behind me in the turning lane as well, and he's is still glued to my butt. Now this is serious. It's Saturday night and I'm thinking this guy is either drunk or has mistaken me for someone he's seeking revenge on and I better take evasive action
... so I decide to make a U turn and get him off me. In the middle of the turn the blue and red lights come on and now I see it is a cop car that has been ridding my butt. So in the middle of the U turn I stop and throw the car in reverse because now I am thinking he's going to give me a ticket for an illegal U turn and I'm not about to finish the U turn. But then I realize he is staying glued to my butt and I have to complete the turn and pull over.
I throw my hands out the window to show I don't have any weapon, because I don't want anything to be misinterpreted here. He comes to the window barking commands with serious attitude. So I announce, "I am reaching for my wallet", and it is not there. Somehow it must have fallen out my jacket on the bed at the party. Things escalate with this revelation because I have no other identification, registration or proof of insurance either. He starts asking me twenty questions and I haven't had a drop of alcohol so I got no problem with 100 questions. I'm giving him current address, old address birthdate, height weight favorite movie, dogs name and where I kissed my first girl. He's firing back nothing but major attitude.
The officer has me take the ignition keys out the care and he throws them on the roof of my car. When he returns to my car a back-up unit has arrived and he says there is a felony warrant for murder for me. I'm like "hell no! " He says this warrant has the same last name and exact same birthdate and he wants to verify my different first name. Now I feel like I'm in that scene from the movie THE HURRICANE,
where the cop says he is looking for two black guys and Denzel Washington answers back, "Will any Two Blacks Do?" I tell the cop I'm not wanted on any felony and then find my Auto Club card tucked in my day planner. The officer's comment is, that that piece of I.D. was enough to clear this up.
He then goes back to his car and takes forever, which we all know means, he is obviously writing me a "gotta' make my end of the month quota", ticket.
Now I was expecting to get a ticket for no license, or registration, or proof of insurance, But Damn! He even wrote me up for a moving violation. "going the wrong way against traffic." Needless to say. I'll see this arrogant "copper" again in court as I fight this ticket.
Because you and I both know, I just got pulled over on a "DWB"; Driving While Brown.