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"I smoothly convince myself, especially online, that I'm 'only a little chubby.' Since I rarely meet any of the men I chat with online, it's easy. I make excuses not to meet them. My whole life is conducted invisibly, on the phone.
I spend most of my days working from my apartment, obsessing about a sale or a shipment or trying to collect a payment. I'm supposed to go out on sales calls, but I rarely do. Some days, I barely get dressed. I pull on a T-shirt and a pair of black stretch pants and wrap my uncombed hair up in a ponytail and shuffle from my bedroom to my desk.
The phone rings at 8 a.m. or earlier: Sue? I need computer paper, Sue. An order didn't arrive Sue. Can I rush — Sue? I say yes to everybody; that's my job, and I'm exhausted.
I order breakfast. The deli delivers two everything bagels, toasted, with extra vegetable cream cheese, two slices of American cheese on top of the cream cheese, and a fried egg and a tomato. For a snack, I ask them to include a pint of ice cream or a bag of Milano cookies or a pound of macaroni salad. They know me. They know not to screw it up. If the bagel arrives un-toasted, I'll get on the phone with them and let them have it."
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